This and That: April 2024
A third place, peer feedback, and other things that I am currently excited about.
Limbless and Limbful
Ya know. Sadness and anger and all those other generally uncomfortable slices of the Feelings Wheel will really point us in the direction of what’s meaningful. Sometimes they shift meaning; sometimes they highlight what we already valued.
For me, many of my hardest days highlight that I cherish having a third place. As in, not home, not work, but that third place to regularly come back to, that’s familiar, where I can spend time with others and experience a sense of belonging.
Oldenburg calls one's "first place" the home and the people the person lives with. The "second place" is the workplace—where people may actually spend most of their time. Third places, then, are "anchors" of community life and facilitate and foster broader, more creative interaction.[1] In other words, "your third place is where you relax in public, where you encounter familiar faces and make new acquaintances."[2]
Certainly, the dance studios of Seattle that I frequent are, collectively, my third place.
I’ve had non-dance third places. For a chunk of my twenties, it was Earth Treks Climbing Gym, or whatever extensively tapped bar was closest to home. Several times, it’s been corners of the blogo-vlogosphere internet. Moreover, I see you all with your ceramics studio memberships, regular trail heads, and that one friend’s house whose door is always open to you. A third place can be anywhere.
For me today, however, and for some time now, it is abundantly important that I specifically have a dance space to return to over and over again. It’s sacred. It heals me. I give to it, and it gives back ten fold.
Give what?
To start with the opposite of what I mean, it used to be that I would frequent socials but engage with them mostly passively. I showed up, sat by myself unless someone approached me, danced when asked to dance, and went home. There’s nothing wrong with that exactly, but it did make me feel a way.
What I’m describing is part of my dance Coming of Age, really, figuring out that we don’t have to wait for others. People will connect if we reach out to them. Not everyone. Not in some uniform way. We may not always have the spoons to reach out. But, more often than not, people will see us when we demonstrate that we see them. We don’t need to first achieve some level of accomplishment or popularity in order to become worthy of being seen, not even amongst all the pseudo-hierarchy of varying dance skills. This is a principal of the Third Place. We are worthy by simply being there.
Rewind to 2019. Newish zouk follow me is at a District Zouk social near American University. DZ was packed that night with several of the east coast’s elite. I sat on a crowded barstool sideline knowing that it might be a while before I’d get to toothpaste-tube-style squeeze myself onto the dance floor.
The experience was in some ways full of hope — sitting there, hoping that my patience would pay off, hoping for a few sweet songs. The method of my waiting is where the night was lacking. I was surrounded by people but engaging with no one, and it got to me. It was not how I wanted to be sharing that place. I wished for a friend to magically appear and attach themselves to me, so that I didn’t have to be on my own. Being someone’s limb, is what one person used to call that phenomenon.
The loneliness reached an internal crescendo, and my discomfort transmuted into a determination to go on and finally maybe say hi to someone.
*the metaphorical glass is thrown to the floor, shatters*
I approached one of the follows who I normally admired only at a distance, and said the first benign thing that came to mind. A joke about the music, something like that. She smiled. We talked. It was a little awkward — because, ya’ll, I was and am a little awkward sometimes. Here’s the thing. The night went on, and THAT SAME FOLLOW came up and said hi to me later, and it felt safe to approach her again at future socials for between-dance chatter. Acquaintanceship, formed. Way to possible friendship, paved. This follow and I were not limbs but something else. We were two people sharing the same third place.
Movement Goals / Obsessions
Shoulder Blades Forever
Lots of fruitful learning came from peer feedback in April. One-on-one, small group, and just asking folks for their opinion. Seattle west coast swing was especially generous to me.
In one of those aforementioned peer feedback sessions, three westies offered me ways to think about my backside body more and my frontside body less. “Your body is making a ‘C’ shape right now,” one of them explained. “Your dancing looks like west coast swing the most when your chest softens,” another suggested. And the third placed a hand on my shoulder blade as I anchor stepped. “Try rotating from here, instead of from your pec.”
Heels
This season, I’m co-directing Zouk Babes Seattle followers performance team with the incredible Val Wang. In April, we had the opportunity to train with Christina Montoya and her OC team in person. The queen babe💋 Christina really makes me want to put in the work, and that work absolutely includes heels.
Favorite learning materials:
Christina’s online classes (obviously)
Favorite self care between heels training:
Wearing Vivo knits
Self massaging the feet, ankle, calves
Standing on tennis balls to stretch and strengthen the feet
Motley of This and That
Upcoming Dance Things
May 31 - June 2 Iago Vanessa in PDX 🌲
June 6 - 9 Jnj Orama 🏆
June 27 - 30 Everzouk ⛰️
July 18 - 21 LA Zouk Marathon 🌴
Femme Friendships
You know who you are. April was rich in time with female friends. You all carry yourselves with such intelligence and grace.
Music
The Spotify algorithm played Naïka. Then I played more Naïka. And it was a good.
Shopping
Translucent shoes. Let’s all get some mesh, fishnet, and/or acrylic shoes. For fun💃 For fashion. For reasons. For… okay, I cannot explain my fascination.
But, basically, I want to see my foot without seeing my foot.
The shoes that I purchased (they’re great though slippery, so I modified them with non-slip pads):
The shoes that I would purchase were they in stock anywhere, but only in a moment of entirely reckless abandon:
The ones that I almost purchased but NO MICHELLE, calm yourself:
The ones that my inner child is wearing right now: